


"The Blue, the Dark and the Sorrow in Between"

by AriadneVenegas



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, First encounter between John and Sherlock, John's POV, M/M, Season/Series 03, Spoilers, Three or wo years is too much for people who love each other, after the Hiatus considering the first teaser trailer, and Sherlock's pov, implied Mary Morstan existance and relationship with John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-06
Updated: 2013-12-06
Packaged: 2018-01-03 16:26:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1072646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AriadneVenegas/pseuds/AriadneVenegas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the first teaser trailer. What is in John and Sherlock’s minds and hearts? with a twist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"The Blue, the Dark and the Sorrow in Between"

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to all of you for your support and kudos while I'm a little away from writing.   
> I'm in a not every good place, the typical, panic attacks, without sleep, going for exams again, and changing meds. I didn't have abandoned anything, but I in need of time for the new meds to works and the new new ones, because until now the ones my Neurologist gave me sucks.
> 
> See your kudos in my mailbox some days bring a lot of joy so please continue, you don't know how much you help me! :)
> 
> I love you all of you!
> 
> and specially thanks and Hugs for my friend and beta **MildredandBobbin** who help me with this little one.

John was waiting for Mary at the restaurant, but she was unusually late and he was unusually blue. Even after all this time, John hid his internal bleeding. He continued in public denial, pretending that his grieving for his late friend Sherlock Holmes, was the grief for a friend. John still felt a pang of misery every time he was alone. He had Mary now, caring cute, beautiful Mary who really loved him and made him forget his moody self, who brought him to the living side. But John was alone because every time she wasn’t around, his thoughts were not with Mary, his heart was with Sherlock Holmes. John knew without needing any evidence that this would never change, so here he was fidgeting because if Mary wouldn’t come soon he would be crying again and even if she arrived maybe he would cry inside anyway, because everything was dark and dull without the detective in his life. His detective.

 

John hated himself in times like this, because he knew he was being egotistical and hypocritical. He wasn’t in love with Mary Morstan and he was intending to marry her, because he was afraid of being alone, because after Sherlock fell nothing had sense or color, and the damn leg was a constant remembrance of what he didn’t have anymore.

 

John thought that Sherlock would be so proud of him because his acting skill were getting better and better, he had fooled everyone, except maybe Mycroft, into believing he was good and happy again and even in love.

 

So John started laughing to himself because this was so not good.

 

“Sherlock you really did ruin me for living without you, did you know?” said John in almost a whisper, while playing with the flower on the table and rearranging things on it. John didn’t know what to do with himself, or with the table, because nothing would ever be right again.

.....

What John didn’t know, was that Sherlock Holmes was there and alive. Even if he hadn’t heard him, he was as desolated and lost as John was, because he was the one who put John in this situation. He, Sherlock Holmes, was the one who destroyed the only person in the whole world he really cared about, who was incandescent, dangerous and everything. The one, Sherlock had realized, the one he loved.

 

How would Sherlock return to him and tell him, “John, I’m sorry, I did this for you, I destroyed all your beauty because I’m an egotistical arse who wanted you alive, and falling was the only way my stupid mind found to do it, and the only reason I did it, was to come back to you. The only way I went on living and continuing with my mission was knowing you were here safe that I would someday return to you.”

 

This was stupid, Sherlock couldn’t do it, how could he ever think it was a good idea to really come back, he didn’t deserve John or anyone. He felt dizzy all of the sudden, he listened to the John in his mind saying to him that it was his fault for not eating, but Sherlock knew better.

 

Sherlock would try to be brave one last time. John deserved the truth, he would say what he needed to say, and then he will disappear and let John be. If he wanted that girl and a family, Sherlock would let him be happy, because it was all his fault.

 

Decision taken, Sherlock took the final steps to the table, and there they finally looked at each other and Sherlock got lost. He was not accustomed to emotions or caring before John Watson, but in one look he saw the devastation he had created, the desolation; Sherlock had killed his John, but Sherlock also saw betrayal, and hate, and ire, and hope. It was too much, too much dizziness, too much emotion, too much pain. His heart was in his throat and he felt cold perspiration fall freely from his face and hands, the last thing Sherlock remembered before the dark around the world consumed him was his own voice broken and shaken.

 

“I’m so sorry, my love.” And there was nothing but black.


End file.
